Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library. My name is Kate Harmony. In today's journal entry, I want to talk about comparative suffering. This is this idea that we as individuals can't feel our own suffering, acknowledge our own suffering, because there's always other people in the world that are suffering more. And in this world where there's so much chaos and so much war and so much all the stuff, all the stuff that's going on, it it feels like, well, that there's always people that are suffering more than us. And so we use that as a way to diminish our suffering, to say, okay, I okay, I just I'll just minimize my suffering because I'm clearly not suffering as much as they are, you know, in a war zone, in wherever. And it's like that is a is a secondary hurt on top of the suffering that we might already be feeling. You know, we're then invalidating our own hurt and suffering. And I think this is really a really screwed-up way of looking at it because it it looks at compassion and empathy as a finite resource that, you know, that if I if I use some of my own compassion and empathy and ask for compassion and empathy from friends or family around me, then there's less compassion and empathy to go around. And that is nuts. Okay, that's not that's not true. It's not true. So it's we need to start looking at this differently because it if we're gonna play that game, right? If we're gonna play the game of it's a the zero-sum game of of like, well, there's the only person in that can suffer in the world is the person who's suffering the most. It's like and there's only one person out of billions of people that could claim to have valid suffering. Okay, well, that's clearly ridiculous. You know, each of our circumstances is different. We are different human beings, and this is why I love looking at personality theory. It's like, or even us as highly sensitive pe people, we know that as highly sensitive people, we have a different, a different level of sensitivity to whether it's cold, you know. My husband is really sensitive to the cold, and some of my my family who lives here in Canada, you know, they're like, oh, just put another layer on. It's not that cold and whatever. It's like, but he's a highly sensitive man, and and you know, for him it's it's distressing to feel as cold as as it is here, but others are more adapted to that cold. So they look on that suffering as like, pff, you know, just whatever. Or his sense of smell is way more heightened than other people. So he might need to open a window in order to just not feel claustrophobic and suffocated, whereas other people would be like, I don't really smell it. What are you smelling? Right? Um, or it's sounds, right? High-pitched sounds that maybe bug bug some people more than others. It's like, can't you hear that sound? It's like, what sound? So all of our experiences are different. And we need to learn to to not discount other people's experiences and invalidate them because we wouldn't feel the same if we were in their position. It's like that smell doesn't bother me, or that that hurt and pain that you're feeling because your your mom didn't call you the other day. It's like all these things impact us differently, and we need to start start really seeing that. Uh inside of our heads, we are a unique soul, and everyone around us is a unique soul. And so their suffering is is big to them, and someone else's suffering is big to them. So it's like this this comparative suffering is is silliness. It's like we we all can can say, wow, that's can give the empathy, and and it's like anyway, so when we do that comparative suffering as highly sensitive people, and we say, okay, well, we know we have so much empathy and compassion for other people, and we know that they're suffering, and we can feel their suffering. So we go, okay, I maybe my suffering's not as not as big, and then we kind of like tamp it down a little bit, and and that actually is self-harm. It's self-harm when we don't allow ourselves to feel our own suffering. And I think, you know, in my last video, thank you for all of your kind, kind comments and support in the big feelings that I was having. And um, you know, I've I've spent a few days just feeling my own suffering and giving myself that kindness and compassion towards myself to just feel it, feel it, you know, and because that's that's giving myself the room to feel my own suffering as opposed to pushing it down and saying, you know, and invalidating my own, my own feelings. And, you know, so you know, I want to go back to the idea that empathy is is a limited resource and that there's less empathy now. And because I think, I think there's a there's a part of this that is true. As an individual with empathy and compassion, it's not a limited resource, right, within ourselves. But as a culture, there is a lot of data and studies that have gone on to say that actually our empathy as a culture as a whole has dropped. So if you're older, um I'm in my 40s, and if you're older than that, you will remember a time when our culture was perhaps more empathetic. There was more people to as a culture that were just more empathetic, right? Um, so so that has has dropped over the years. So perhaps there is there is a lack of more empathetic people in our culture. So um it maybe feels like a a a limited resource in that sense. And it might feel that we don't have anyone in our lives that has empathy and compassion for us that we can call on. And and that's really, it's really sad. So, so in a way, you know, my last video was called, you know, the world doesn't want our empathy. But I think there's another another way of looking at it that says the world absolutely, absolutely needs our empathy, you know, um, more than ever. There's so much suffering in the world, and and and you know, everyone needs empathy and compassion. And I think, I think a lot of maybe people, this is something I was thinking about, who are not necessarily empathetic and compassionate, are maybe actually pushing down a lot of their own hurt and their own suffering and their own stuff. So, so they react with with like harshness um towards those who they see as having less suffering than them. And if they're not allowed to feel their suffering inside, then why should they allow someone else to suffer for what they they look at as a as a small thing, you know? Um, I've kind of felt that from various people in my own family where it's like, I know there's a lot of suffering down in there, and they're clearly not dealing with it and feeling it, and and it it gets sort of projected outward towards others who are trying to feel that and trying to get to find that empathy and compassion. So wa watch for that. And it's like we need to find people who who actually will will give us compassion and empathy. And there are clearly people that will only create more pain and suffering by invalidating our our pain and suffering. So um watching for that, it's it's just not an appropriate thing to to do. So if someone has done that to you, you can just let it go and say, you know, that's not the right person for me to speak to about my own sufferings. And um and and it's hard when, you know, maybe we don't have anyone to to talk to about that stuff. So yeah. Um and I think the other thing for us as um HSPs or in personality type land in as MBTI um typology, I'm an INFP, so so feelers in general as opposed to thinkers, we all think and feel, okay, but um just our one of our main tools of looking at the world is is that feeling function. Our heart is more expanded and open. So when we are highly sensitive to feelings and emotions and stuff going on in the world, we are feeling feeling everybody's struggles and pain. And so we might not want to feel like we burden, burden other people with our own suffering and pain. And I know that I I do this, I do this because I I don't really talk to anyone other than my husband. I don't, I I it feels hard to share. It feels harder and harder. In the past it's felt easier, but it just with the amount of level of suffering, it feels harder to, it's like I'll just keep it inside and not share it because I don't want to even sharing it on on on on here on the Light Bears Library, that felt scary and vulnerable. And um, like I didn't want anyone to feel bad because I was feeling bad. So it's like you know, it's like so us as highly sensitive feelers, we don't want to share our our pain and suffering with others so that we don't help like raise their level of of pain and suffering. It's like, oh man, it and because it's true, like I know when I'm listening to somebody who's who's got a lot of suffering, it it it does make me feel like a bit more overwhelmed with suffering. So um we've got and and and and that's a sort of a separate second topic because we're aware as highly sensitive, empathetic people of the amount of suffering, it adds to our sense of just general suffering, and we can just get overwhelmed with with all of that. So it is important, and I've talked about this a lot on my channel, about turning off the news feed, turning off the email feed, unsubscribing from you know social media accounts that that have a lot of fear and suffering, like just for a time. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's just like okay, that's enough for me right now. I need to retreat a little bit. I need to journal about my my what's going on for me and kind of take a time out. So please give yourself the permission to do that, to, to, to take a time out. Um because um we can't, I love this, this, this thing about like we can't heal what we don't feel. And so over the last couple of days, I've really taken the time to cry a lot, to feel the the pain and suffering that I've been feeling about being abandoned or feeling abandoned. And it's like if I was to talk to my mom about that, she would be like, Um, I haven't abandoned you. It's like, yeah, but that's how it feels to me, you know? And at this moment, I'm not currently engaged in talking with her because it's it's just there's too it's too much pain, and she's dealing with so much of her own stuff. Again, right? Pain and suffering. She's dealing with so much, so I'm not gonna put my own stuff on her. Anyway, um, anyway, so I think we need to let go of the guilt, the shame, the anger, the frustration of, you know, I shouldn't be feeling this way because, you know, other people are feeling worse. I am a bad person for feeling this way since others have it worse than me. That's comparative suffering. And it it it it it doesn't need to be that way. It's it it makes it feel more painful than it is. So we need to just be with our own selves. We need to have self-compassion first, self-kindness first, to feel our own feelings, you know, because compassion is like a muscle, you know, the more we use it on ourselves and empathy on ourselves, the the the better able we are to be compassionate and empathetic with others. So it's actually growing empathy, you know, growing it when we uh give it to ourselves first. Because when we're pushing our own stuff down, I think there's a there's an argument to be made that we can't actually be as compassionate and empathetic with others because a part of our because a part of us, you know, whether you call it the like subconscious, unconscious, whatever, a part of us knows that we're not giving ourselves the space to feel, to feel whatever it is that we're feeling. And then we can feel maybe a sense of resentment for for being kind and compassionate and empathetic with others. And obviously we don't want that either, right? So I think the easiest way maybe I know of to work through this. Well, and you know, figure it out for yourself because we each have those things that make us feel safe, you know. Uh for me, having a shower and warm water, it gives me just space to cry. Have a big, a big cry all by myself. You know, it's it's just my way of being able to water, right? Water is that the has the emotion as of the elements, right? Water is the the feeling element, the emotional element. So having a bath um or a shower, or if you're living in somewhere beautiful that has waterfalls or lakes or rivers that you can access, um, that would be something. But for me, journaling is is the most the place where I feel like I can talk to my journal without without judgment, right? No one's judging me, no one's gonna compare my suffering to anything else. It's like you can be completely real, open, honest, raw, like just say it, say it, say it. And it can like reading past journals sometimes, I'm surprised at what comes out. I'm like, wow, I really, really felt a lot of whatever I was feeling, right? But I think it's important to just let it all out onto the page, you know, all the anger, or maybe, maybe we even say, you know, I hate that thing, or whatever. It's like we have this need to not be so angry or not be like have like hate. And it's like, okay, but if we just let it out, then it's it doesn't get stuck inside of us. So let's feel it and move through it and have kindness and compassion for ourselves so we can grow our kindness and compassion for the world, which clearly needs a lot more kindness and compassion and empathy and all the things. So if you have some thoughts on this, if you have guilt for feeling your own suffering or your own pain and hate, I have had people comment about feeling guilt for feeling good, you know, and so it's like that's a comparative thing, right? I feel guilty for feeling good when others are suffering. Oh wow, oh wow, okay, please, please, please, please, please, you know, because we all want to feel good. So if you're feeling good, celebrate that. That's so wonderful. I am that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Celebrate it, you know, because we go through seasons and cycles, and you know, we we we move through through seasons. So if you're feeling good, celebrate that because you never know, right? And and really just be grateful for what we what we do have, you know, if we have health or if we have happiness or if we have whatever, right? So um if you have thoughts on that, I would love to hear from you in the comments. I I so enjoy hear from me, hearing from you and and yeah, seeing everybody's different perspectives, it's such a joy to me. So if this was helpful to you, please do give me a thumbs up and subscribe to the Light Bears Library. I would love to have you here. And um blessings to all of you who have gotten here to the end, and uh we will speak very soon. XOXO Kate.